Soon, I'll be back on a Royal Caribbean Ship that features a Flowrider Surf Simulator, and I'm very afraid! Read on to see what happened in 2011, the last time I took on (dramatic pause) THE FLOWRIDER!
If you have done any reading at all about Royal Caribbean Oasis class ships you know that the ships have two Flowrider Surf Simulators on baord, and that most reviewers share tales of how these powerful wave machines tear the clothing off of women like a sailor on leave. In the short time I watched, I saw a top and a bottom go missing, as well as an earring. Not even a one piece suit will save you, as we saw one woman have a one sided wardrobe malfunction. And I can report that it also tore the pedicure right off my toes.
Now, when it comes to nudity, scientists have studied this issue and they have learned that there is a logarithmic decrease in interest in seeing a persons unclothed tush with the passing of each decade. So while all 6 or 7 billion of the earth's inhabitants think seeing a baby's tush is adorable, and a 20 year old's enjoyable, as you add decades, any interest wanes markedly until (if you are very lucky) when you hit your 70's, that there is just one single person left on the planet who is still interested in seeing your tushie! (Scientists also note that at this point, even YOU will not be interested in seeing your own tushie, assuming of course you can see at all!) Well, I do think of myself as being in pretty good condition for an old broad, but unfortunately, according to the research (which, I should note, I made up entirely!), that at my age, the odds of finding even one of the 6000 passengers on the Oasis being interested in seeing my tush is almost nil.
